First impressions - let's hope they last

WARNING: Course language frequented in this piece. Could it be any other way for me?

Whether you like Little Britain or not, most people have heard of the phrase “only gay in the village”. Well now I know how he feels. I am the only whitey in the village, well at least where I work anyway. Apparently I am the only foreigner to be based in the government/parliament building where I work and I get stopped every five minutes by the guards to check that I am actually supposed to be there and double takes from the staff members. Its actually a great building decked out in rugs and marble, and I am pretty damn lucky to be allowed to work from there. Anyway, I am making the most of the attention because like most things, I will become “normal” and no one will care to look at me no more.

One thing that won’t change is walking down the streets of Ulaanbaatar (UB) where I get stared at all the time. How does it feel? Not sure. I just ignore the likely thoughts going through the Mongolia people’s head such as “get the fuck out of my country” or “stop stealing our jobs” (but I'm a volunteer not a miner!) or “get out we’re full” oh no hang on that last one is Perth people. Though I am certain these are the thoughts going through some people’s minds and occasionally a whitey gets spat at or harassed (usually by drunks late at night), for the most part people here are awesome. When I walk down the street and I get stared at, I simply pretend I am a celebrity. I finally know what it feels like to be Angelina Jolie! Yay. I have big lips. Except I don’t get asked for autographs but occasionally I get asked to buy something. Compared to other tourist destinations, you hardly ever really get hassled to buy useless crap. On the odd occasion that you do get asked to buy something, its mostly useful stuff like socks, fruit and reasonable artwork.

This place rocks. I am not sure why I like it here so much but its awesome. There is only one thing I really don’t like about this place – the dogs that chase you when you are trying to go for a run. One time I went for a run with the Hash club on the outskirts of UB I got chased by a barking mad dog. I ran so damn fast and completely lost my shit in the process while wailing for help to my other two friends. The lovely Annas (there are two) came to my rescue rock in hand to shoo the savage beast away. Phew!

Apart from that, its all good. The volunteer work is great and my colleagues are brilliant. Their English varies from very good to non-existent so I have plenty of incentive to learn Mongolian. Apparently my teacher says I am a good student and good at learning languages. I have discovered a new talent! She is also awesome and her business is called Friends School and they also run travel tours, one of which I will be going on soon.

The volunteers get so well looked after here by our Mongolian manager who takes care of us very well. She is an absolute legend. She helped all the volunteers find a place, showed us around, took us shopping and translates to dumb ass landlords. Yeah our landlord sucks ass big time. She hates us and I have no idea why but the feeling is mutual stupid bitch. Mind you, the only thing she has messed us around with is some shoddy workmanship in the kitchen and crap cable TV reception. Plus the TV is the size of a thimble. Ok ok I realise I am in a developing country but I am paying western prices for rent and everyone else has normal sized TVs. Yeah, I know, there are worse things. But you would go insane too if you have watched the Sex and the City 2 movie every night for the last two weeks because it’s the only thing in English! I think I know all the lines off the top of my head. As I write this, I am watching Carrie tell all her friends about how Big and her are taking two days off their marriage, bla bla bla. I actually love this movie now. I hated it before but now I appreciate it because it’s the only thing I understand. 

I am living in a really nice, centrally located apartment with another volunteer. In fact my apartment block is like the dream apartments that the other volunteers envy. I got pretty lucky with the price and location thanks to my in country manager's negotiation skills. There are so many volunteers from all over the place plus expats who are working here on contracts. With so many great people around, there is a nice little social circle happening. It’s a shame I am not in it though. Just kidding. Of course I am.

Ulaanbaatar isn’t what I would call a culture shock kinda place. Its very easy to live here and while some things don’t work, who gives a shit. I am in MONGOLIA – how fucking cool is that!!!! The country side on the other hand is far more hard core. The winter will be much harder here and I think that is when I will have to harden up. No point in worrying about that now though.

Oh and just because I like showing off - I am the one out of the August volunteer intake who hasn't got sick or hurt themselves yet, even after eating all the local food. I have guts of steel (insert Arnold Schwarzenegger accent).

I now officially call this place my home and I even have a routine:

·      Kick-boxing lessons two to three times a week (instead of the straight up boxing I used to do back in Australia so its even harder!)

·      Yoga one to two times a week instructed by one of the volunteers here. It’s free so we just donate a small amount to charity for each lesson.

·      Hash Hound Harriers – a weekly running/walking/dog walking club where they arrange a bus to take you out of the city and provide drinks and sandwiches after. Its great for under $5. Sometimes you get chased by dogs. I also go on crack of dawn running while we still can before winter hits.

·      Gym – I joined for a month and hated it so I have stopped going. I may start again in winter when I can't run outside no more.

·      Trivia – I am still rubbish at it in Mongolia.

·      Work Monday to Friday 9:00am til 6:00pm (After this year I am never working full time again)

·      Camping on weekends or horse riding. Last time I went horse riding I galloped and it was freaking cool. I was alone with a Mongolian guide who speaks very basic English and he took me to his friend's Ger and we drank fresh natural yogurt (never mind the flies that were everywhere - what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger). "Mmmm, Yogurt is tasty" we said between sips. I also learnt how to say it in Mongolian. He also did some very impressive tricks like standing up on the horse and picking wild flowers while galloping. He gave them to me! How sweet.

·      Private language lessons twice a week for only $9 an hour! Bargain!

·      Guitar playing when I can – I bought one here and I might get a Mongolian fiddle and learn to play that poorly as well ;)

Well that's enough of the dribble. I highly recommend you join me at some time in the next year if you can handle it.

Here are some things I have done so far... with some more dribble:

Playtime

This was a great first weekend activity. We stayed in a ger and watched many local bands cover famous artists from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs to Coldplay. I guess a small country like Mongolia isn’t going to get a lot of big bands touring so it’s the next best thing. They sounded almost identical to real thing - yeah!

James, Greg and Alicia got a spot on the line up and played some experimental stuff. They were really good. Greg, who doesn't usually play drums kept breaking his drum sticks and then throwing them into the crowd. He accidentally threw one a little too hard and hit some poor Mongolian guy in the face. Lucky it wasn't one of the bikie gang. As an aside, some guys have their own radio and TV shows here. Its such a small place, anyone can be famous here!

The stars of the festival were in the crowd. It was a massive group of scary looking guys on 20 odd motorbikes. They were even allowed into the festival with their motorbikes - strange. One guy was wearing an Arabian scarf and had a viscous looking dog with a muzzle. We all stayed well out of their way.

The bikes were allowed to join in on the fun

Cows at the festival too

Off to the side of the festival location is this lovely stream

We stayed here

Camping at Terelj

Anoher Francis arranged event. A drunk local decided to join us for a chat. He spotted the guitar and started playing. We prayed he would leave but he kept coming back with some new thing to say or do. Sam understood some of his Mongolian but we couldn't really work out what he wanted. He brought a pack of cards hoping we would play. Then he started showing us some “tricks” which were like not at all tricks but maybe in his mind they were. He eventually decided we were boring and threw his plastic lined playing cards in the camp fire and left. Fun times.

After camping, we weren’t satisfied. We went back to Ulaanbaatar for horse riding (where I soiled myself repeatedly) and watched a band at The Great Mongol pub.

Turtle Rock

Lovely decorations at the Monastery

Me and Chinggis

Bye cards

The morning after - they all look like shit

Horsies at Steppe Riders

Steppe Riders owners' son (not a girl)

Ah the good old string and the matchbox trick

Great band

Roller blading

I am also doing things I would never have bothered to do anywhere else like roller blading, which I totally suck at! It was a US Peace Corps (volunteers) function like a roller disco. It took be back to high school. Thanks to Mike who held my hand most of the time or I would have stacked it more than just the one time J Oh yeah, no pics of me looking like a massive dick on here. Maybe some prick got me on facebook but I haven't dared to check.

Camping at Bayangobi

The amazing Ju Lin (another volunteer from Australia) arranged this trip. We went to an old monastery that is pretty much a ruin now. The Soviets did their thing there and sadly many lives were lost as well as the monastery. We camped overnight near sand dunes and mountains all in the one place.

At the site of an old Monastery destroyed by the Soviets

Where we camped

Our camp

Where the hell do I go to the toilet with any privacy here!

My friends who can jump high

Dinner

Staring at the campfire

Stephan from Germany turns 21

This is how we roll

And we roll like this

Yep, I is riding a camel.

Emily destroying my football sand sculpture

Me riding a different kind of camel

The shrine of "Doug" aka dug. Its used for going to the toilet. The shrine has real camel pooh and its followers squat while worshipping.

The end - thank you for reading.

Some thoughts...

Ok so like my buddy Katie Mac who wrote an amazing piece on her thoughts about the UK, here is my attempt on my thoughts on Mongolia so far:

• I kept bumping into people thinking, stupid Australian, walk on the right side here (right hand drive - get it?). So I walk on the right yet I still keep bumping into people. Hmmmm.
• Hardly anyone understands English and if they do, its at a beginner level, so I can mumble the most crass curse words on the street and no one understands me.
• The driving is a little chaotic but at least drivers stop when you cross the road (even though you think they might not stop).
• I am still no more productive at study and finishing my research paper here than I was in Australia. Ah fuck it.
•  You can get everything you need here. Maybe not everything you want but after a while you think, who gives a shit if I can’t get the same shampoo or the same stupid moisturiser. The sunscreen is not great though which is kinda bad for burnie skin types.
•  The fruit and vegetables are not very fresh as it needs to travel a fair way to get here. Still, who needs it when there is so much meat and dairy. The yogurt, cheese and milk is usually sold at market stalls with no refrigeration. Stuff in the supermarkets are in fridges but they aren't that cold. Even in pubs I order a coke and its warm so you always have to ask for ice in a glass. In the markets, meat is just left out on benches in the meat room. There is all this crazy stuff like sheep heads and just about every animal part and organ you can think of. Chicken, however, is properly refrigerated as far as I could tell. Well I haven't been sick yet and I have eaten the food here so its no problem.
•  Water is high in heavy metals but apart from that it is totally fine to drink. I don't really like the taste so I just get bottled water delivered to my house and its really cheap.
•  My house mate wasn’t thinking straight when she bought a stack of toilet paper from a guy off the street. It is essentially recycled sand paper. Its so recycled I could see bits of the original matter – some kind of candy packaging or something.
•  There are many varieties of international foods such as Korean food (even North Korean) and other stuff that’s a bit more familiar to the western palate. Mongolian food includes delicious dumplings steamed or deep fried with meat inside, these awesome noodles and heaps of other meaty stews with cabbage kinda like Hungarian food. I like it and so do a few other volunteers but most people don't like it at all. Mongolian lamb as we know it doesn't exist here - maybe its central Mongolian which is actually now part of China.
•  Coffee here is still good so yeah I haven’t given up that addiction yet. Chocolate is also ok here but I am not that fussy when it comes to chocolate.
•  Fermented mare’s milk aka airag is ok.
•  Going to a public toilet – work out those legs ladies. Be prepared for squatting, especially in the countryside just like when camping. I had some serious trouble with this when I had strained my hamstrings but I got through it!
•  A feat of mankind is the Mongolian squat. Mongolians squat right down with feet flat on the floor and its their way of just hanging around when there are no chairs. In fact, I think they prefer to chairs. Its especially useful in the countryside. Its really hard to do but I am working on it.
•  Not all horses are small. I got put on a big one and then promptly got off while whimpering about how high it was up there.
•  The shops here are changing me back to shopping girl, which I am horribly ashamed of. There are so many with lots of variety and kinda cheap. Unfortunately nothing fits or the clothes are way to cool for me so I go to the grown up shops, which are arguably better quality and cost almost the same as back home.
•  Everytime I go out I realise I don’t have enough cash on me. This place is like cash city. You use cash everywhere and I don’t trust the shops here to use my card anyways – just being paranoid I suppose. There are ATMs to get cash but they are either all lumped into one part of the city or scattered around. Not all banks have an ATM and you need a passport to get cash over the counter. Also, I don’t always have my card with me – pick pocket gangs are pretty common here.
• Not all the girls here are super thin. So my question is, where do they get their clothes from? Larger sizes are usually at the more expensive shops and people don't earn a great deal here. A high salary is around $1000 AUD per month and I think the average is less than half. You can get clothes made here quite cheap and nice too if you get a good tailor.
•  Girl power - there are lots of girls that work in the middle level jobs but its still very male dominant in the upper ranks. 
• It was hard to find a kick boxing club that would train women.
• Work work work. In some offices, it can be a little unproductive over the summer months that people play games on their computers or sit around and have cups of tea and chat away when there is nothing to do. Yet for some dumb reason they stay at work from 9 til 6pm rather than go home to make up for all the times they have to work on the weekends and not get time off in lieu :( That sucks ass.
• Kids are adorable here. I may adopt a child before I go home. I was lucky to see the first day back at school after the summer. They had music and balloons and people were everywhere. How fun! I did witness one poor small child screaming and pulling her father in a particular direction - either she didn't want to go to school or she did but she is too young. Its hard to tell. Her father was laughing and so was I. School is goes from 9am to 5pm or something crazy like that even for pre-schoolers because both parents work here.
• There is some statistic that there are more pubs, cafes and bars here per capita than anywhere else in the world – or something like that. I can’t remember the exact details and quite frankly I am not going to bother verifying it.
• There is a fair bit of poverty and you see it on the main roads. When its raining or its a bit cold, they find a stairwell and sleep in it. In winter, homeless kids used to live in the sewers because its warm but things have gotten better apparently. Many go to safe houses or stay as a group with an estranged family member – safety in numbers. Usually they leave home because of drunkenness and domestic violence. It only really happens in the city not the country side.
• Its warm and apparently too hot indoors from September because “they” centrally turn on pipes and all of Mongolia is magically warm inside all the buildings and apartments. The pipes come from underground so that’s why the sewers are warm. Don’t ask me who “they” are. Probably the government.
• Onto the stairwells to apartments – most are not secure. Most people know the codes or can easily crack them so yeah, that’s how the homeless guys get in. Its ok though, they are pretty harmless. I walked past one sleeping in my friend’s building. Unfortunately my friends reported having seen a pooh in the stairwell. That is kinda shit (no pun intended). Having said that, my apartment has a relatively secure building but people leave the door open all the time. Sigh.
• The apartments are mostly lovely but...my friend’s entire kitchen cupboards fell down crockery and all!!!! It could’ve killed someone. So yeah, trades people here are not always very good and sometimes arrive drunk to fix things…oh dear.
• Washing machines are not all automatic. Ours is all manual. You have to fill it with water and switch it on and tell it what to do then you have to take the clothes out and put it in the spin section. I never knew such contraptions existed.
• There is a small minority of men here who don't appreciate it when foreigners including Chinese and westerners get with their Mongolian women. Good point. Why is it that the most ugly white guy can get a hot Asian women. Its totally wrong.
• Homosexuality is not tolerated here so don’t even try to be openly gay. Its not worth your jaw.
• Taxi’s here are not really official. You pretty much flag what looks like an ordinary car but its actually kind of a taxi. You will find some people who aren’t driving a “taxi” will still give you a lift. The standard rate I believe is 500 tugrugs for a 1km. That's basically less than 50 cents thanks to the strong Aussie dollar. Yes, that is dirt cheap and we catch them everywhere here.
• They have a public garden with fake flowers.
• You can get OPI nail polish for $1.50 and it seems real.
• You shouldn’t walk on the drains and manhole coverings as they tend to be loose and you might fall in.
• The streets are a little on the dusty side and the pavement is kinda broken up. I think its because the winter is so harsh that it messes up the concrete and its too expensive to maintain. Apart from wearing the shoes out, its not too bad.
• The standard of dress is much like Australia - some people dress well, some people don't. Heels are ok to wear here, even I could handle it, but just be prepared to walk over a lot of broken up pavement and sometimes sand. Oh and your feet are always dirty - I wash my feet at least twice a day. 
• Hot water outages – just when you think you have hot water after a week of “baby baths” its not quite hot enough. Hot water outages are regular during the summer while the pipes are getting fixed. Unfortunately I also heard these outages happen in winter as well. Never mind. I quite like the baby bath anyway – heat up water in the kettle, mix with cold water, lather up, rinse. Easy and fun all at the same time!
• There are people that don't drink here and so I do my best not to add to the massive drinking problem in UB. Vodka is cheap, imported wines aren't bad and Chinggis beer tastes good apparently. I think all beer tastes like something people shouldn't choose to drink if you know what I mean. Its not very tasty.

Congratulations, you just read a long boring piece of crap. Oh come on now, there were a few gems in there. Thanks for reading!!!