The days

Two unfortunate things have happened to me so far today.

1. My colleague told me I was getting fat - apparently this is a socially acceptable thing to say to people here. I like the brutal honesty.

2. My research supervisor told me my paper is good with a massive but

Ok so what does this mean? I need to eat less food? I need to eat less fatty mutton? I need to stop my addition to peanut butter? I should never have gone to uni?

PS: I saw snow in Ulaanbataar for the first time this year on Tuesday. It pretty and not even that cold.

Gone fishing at Henti (North East) on the Onon River and other places too.

On the face of it, this trip should have been really boring for me. I didn't really fish - I threw the line in about 7 times and caught nothing. I chose to go on this trip because I knew that the fishing places in Mongolia are some of the most beautiful places to visit. And as usual I was right - it was brilliant! I ate fresh fish other people caught, got caught up in some harrowing moments, studied Mongolian language, camped, relaxed, cooked, joked around, slept a lot and experienced some of the stranger or lets say novel things that happen on trips like this. This includes stopping by a stranger's home for some shelter during a storm and meeting up with a watchmen/fisherman who then let's us stay at a closed tourist ger for the night.

The family we imposed on after a snow storm plus 2nd driver/mechanic man on the far left and Pete on the far right.

The watchman (and his fish) we met when we stopped to fish. He let us stay here:

So nice and warm. Having almost froze to death in my tent the night before I was thankful for this place.  

Interesting tree trunk. When fully functioning, you can use showers and western style toilets here. There is also a restaurant room with a mezzanine level with an awesome bar and other lovely things but it was locked. A place worth staying at in the future me thinks.

Our guide had to pull a few favours to get us into some of the better fishing locations so we felt lucky to be there. He used to be an ex fighter pilot so he took calculated risks while driving and pulled them all off or at least got us out of the bad moments - fun times :) I would highly recommend him to anyone - seriously. 

This is the type of plane Erden used to fly.

The town on the way to the Onon river. I could live out here.

Erden fishing - isn't it a lovely place?

Sam was reeling em in. Nice singlet.

I was sitting on this very comfortable branch until Pete came to sit next to me and then it collapsed. 

Erden and his catch.

Cooking up fish on the side of the river. Its quite a high bank. To make getting down the down easier, Pete built some stairs by digging into the side of the bank - very resourceful. Some might argue it was an act of environmental degradation but I was grateful for them anyway.

When they catch the fish, they beat it over the head. At that point, I freak out because the fish looks stunned with its mouth wide open. The blood is not from this method of killing. Its from Pete cutting into it.

Nice one Sam. That's dinner! 

I am tapping on ice on the top of the water. It was quite thick.

Pete taught me how to army roll.

Erden catches a fine baby Taimen (a rare fish found in Mongolia). When he took the hook out, it spat out this:

dinner for the baby Taimen has been spoilt.

On my walk I found a little wild mouse hiding under an abandoned jacket. Sorry to disturb cutie pie.

A story about a very special day we had:

Camping on the onon river we caught fish and ate it along the river. Delicious food and hot tea in a beautiful and calm setting that is until...
***
Next morning at 4am which felt like 1am, I wake to the sound of wind. Really really really strong wind. Umm, it will pass. I'll just try to get back to sleep. What felt like hours, hmmm, its still really strong. Holy crap, I wake up with my tent on me! Tent is collapsing around me, hmmm, I'll just wait here until something happens, like being flung, tent and all into the river. Hang on, the wind is blowing in the other direction. Phew, I will just be flung out into the vast plains behind me. Its ok, don't be a pussy, just take a few pictures and you'll be fine.

***

I hear voices, Sam and Erden calling out. We are getting the fuck out of here. Apparently the storm is not going to pass. I bolt upright, throw everything into my back pack, I start to take down my tent when I realise its disintegrating into my hands so I just tear it down and stuff it into the car. We are out of there.

***

Its snowing like crazy and Erden is doing a masterful job driving through slippery snow with visibility limited to about a meter in front. Whoopsie daisy, the Russian van glides almost gracefully out of Erden's control and comes to a stop in time before rolling or crashing into trees or tumbling into a river. Nothing too major at this stage. "Driving very difficult", Erden says kinda half laughing nervously and half dead serious. I can imagine, I think to myself. Pete is saying something but I am too busy removing myself from the situation to simply become a spectator.

***

Hmmm. You aren't proposing to... ok here we go, across that deep looking river flowing deceptively slowly with that extremely steep looking bank on the other side. It chugs, it grunts and it stops at that extremely steep looking bank. Ok. What now? Is just me or is this van on an extreme angle. Oh no, its fine surely. What was that? Water. In the car and exhaust. No. Really? Shit.

***

I don't give a shit what happens next, I am not getting out of this van into that water. I will be sure to die of hypothermia so I might as well stay here. I decide to speak, "Um Pete, will we have to get out?". Pete says something but again I move into my out of body state. This is an interesting situation these people have got themselves into, I think to myself.

***

Erden and 2nd driver/mechanic man negotiate with the engine which is cleverly accessible from inside the van between the driver and the front passenger seat.*

***

"What do you reckon we get out the fishing rod and just drop a line outside the window, hehe. Do you reckon Erden would find it funny?" Pete says under his breath. We all have a little giggle but agree Erden probably wouldn't see the humour in it at this point. Ah Pete. There is always time for a joke.

***

I recall Erden and 2nd driver/mechanic man getting out of the car into the cold, side stepping the water to get onto the bank, assessing the situation, getting back into the car and trying to start it again. Water has definitely entered the exhaust. Try something else. It was at the point when 2nd driver/mechanic man said "Fuck" in Mongolian that our hearts sank and we lost hope for it meant one thing. Our resilient, calm and resourceful pair were out of options.

***

At one point I wished I had my camera but I realised that I had stuffed into my bag, which is in a pile of crap at the back of the car, possibly getting wet. I also realised that now would not be a good time to be taking pictures of Erden and 2nd driver mechanic man quietly losing their shit.

***

Then something ingenious happened. Erden pumped the ignition over and over and over edging the car forward ever so slightly up the bank enough to allow the car to be high enough to start and then yank in reverse and drive straight the fuck out of that river bank on safe ground. What a van! I remember cheering, some elation and a few laughs. Then I thought, hang on a sec. Erden. you aren't going to try cross it again, woah! Its ok, he's just turning the car around in slippery snow, a little too close to the edge of the river and going back the way we came.

THE END

*The design feature of having the engine inside the car, being quite clever for situations such as this one, also makes the car very hot in that particular area. Men seem to notice it the most. They tend to describe their ass and balls as sweaty (how'd you like that one - nice little visual). My bottle of hand sanitiser melted slightly after being wedged in front of it. "Can anyone smell burning detergent?" Sam asks. "You're imagining things you crazy bastard" Pete and I balk. As we unpack the car at the end of the journey, oh that's where my hand sanitiser went.

PS: My camera didn't get wet :) but other stuff did. Thankfully none of it was mine.

10th International Gobi Marathon

Crap. I'm going to die before I even get there. I walk towards the aircraft only slightly larger than Brindabella airlines (exactly, so small you have never even heard of it!) and smaller than a Qantas Dash 8 for those who have had the pleasure. I then realise I am busting for the toilet... if there is one. I prop myself on the seat and look ahead. Yes, spotted. A toilet there is! We take off and I am mighty impressed with how smooth it is. I head to the toilet and edge in sideways into the size of a broom cupboard. Oh hello, I say to myself in front of the mirror as I attempt to be seated. Hmmm, this is a little high. I edge back to the seat and squat only slightly - not much room for sitting in here. Ahhhh. Ok, now where to wash hands? No tap! That's disgusting. Oh wait, there are baby wipes in here. That'll do.

Moments later, landed in Dalanzadgad. Survival. 

Two hour drive later into the South Gobi aimag (province), I walk into a luxurious ger camp designed for tourists. Why luxurious? Running water, showers, seated and clean toilets, a restaurant, electricity and a bed inside a toasty warm ger versus normal ger - no shower, no toilet, one stove in the middle of the room, no refrigeration and flies. 

Having spent a great evening with friends and the other crazy participants from Australia, Germany, India, Canada, US and the list goes on, I reluctantly woke up at 6am to my running outfit, perfectly laid out from the night before.

Joachim, the marathon organiser in mutters in his barely audible German accent, "You will all be tranzported to ze ztart line in zee furgen". What the fuck is a furgen??? "Itz zee German name for zee Russian vanz" replies Joachim.

I regulate my breathing in the Russian van just the way Alkhaabaatar my kick boxing trainer showed me. It gives you the illusion that one is not tired. I am surprisingly calm for someone who only trained in the last week with two 8km jogs around UB. Having decided only two weeks before that I would not go, I was chuffed that I reverted from being a pussy to a normal person. 

We watched an adorable opening ceremony performed by some local children before seeing off the full marathon runners.

My 21km journey is about to begin. Ignoring the nervous jitters and negative taunts around me, I stretch and adjust my fucking annoying waist belt holding my camera, sunscreen, toilet paper (critical) and my glasses. With water bottle in hand I run. Some time later (I never actually got my time), survival.

Dork or douche?

Putting her body on the line for the opening ceremony

Entertainment and a camel

The track

The track

Ok, ok, I look like a freaking dork. Apparently, I am a dark horse. "Who is that over the horizon, Ju Lin? Lap? Oh no its Tanya!", cries Warren in surprise. I finished just about in the middle of 21km runners. I ran about 70%, walked 20%, played photographer for 5%, toilet stop 3% and drank and ate for 2%.

Jodie and I with our winnings - T-shirt and medal.  Joachim zee German marathon organizer was handing out zee t-shirts. I said "Medium size please", he said in a very German accent "oh yez, you nid it". Gee thanks!

Friends jumping at the flaming cliffs - I can't jump so I take photos instead.

Our gang

On the drive back we visited a functioning monestary in the Gobi.

And did a little hike through the valley of death - well actually its called Mandelgovi. Its very cold so why on earth am I wearing shorts? Because it was fucking hot yesterday!!!! Ah Mongolia. Later that day I got laughed at by locals at the town centre for wearing shorts on a cold and rainy day.

My tour buddies - Dave in the middle is 81 and did the half Marathon. 

I am cacking myself. Why? We chose to drive back rather than risk death by plane. The ride was so bumpy that we were practically flying in our seats. The tall German gentleman, Rainer, above bumped his head and we all found it very amusing even though his wife Heike has stopped laughing at this point. On the side, Heike and Rainer were chasing Geocaches and informed us that there was one near where we were driving but we couldn't detour because of time constraints. They are these capsule things that people put stuff in and tourists go around looking for them. Its cool.

In a local restaurant with our guide and driver - milk, salt and tea called milk tea. Its nice even if you find a hair in the bottom of the cup - ah the amount of times that has happened to me on my travels here.

First impressions - let's hope they last

WARNING: Course language frequented in this piece. Could it be any other way for me?

Whether you like Little Britain or not, most people have heard of the phrase “only gay in the village”. Well now I know how he feels. I am the only whitey in the village, well at least where I work anyway. Apparently I am the only foreigner to be based in the government/parliament building where I work and I get stopped every five minutes by the guards to check that I am actually supposed to be there and double takes from the staff members. Its actually a great building decked out in rugs and marble, and I am pretty damn lucky to be allowed to work from there. Anyway, I am making the most of the attention because like most things, I will become “normal” and no one will care to look at me no more.

One thing that won’t change is walking down the streets of Ulaanbaatar (UB) where I get stared at all the time. How does it feel? Not sure. I just ignore the likely thoughts going through the Mongolia people’s head such as “get the fuck out of my country” or “stop stealing our jobs” (but I'm a volunteer not a miner!) or “get out we’re full” oh no hang on that last one is Perth people. Though I am certain these are the thoughts going through some people’s minds and occasionally a whitey gets spat at or harassed (usually by drunks late at night), for the most part people here are awesome. When I walk down the street and I get stared at, I simply pretend I am a celebrity. I finally know what it feels like to be Angelina Jolie! Yay. I have big lips. Except I don’t get asked for autographs but occasionally I get asked to buy something. Compared to other tourist destinations, you hardly ever really get hassled to buy useless crap. On the odd occasion that you do get asked to buy something, its mostly useful stuff like socks, fruit and reasonable artwork.

This place rocks. I am not sure why I like it here so much but its awesome. There is only one thing I really don’t like about this place – the dogs that chase you when you are trying to go for a run. One time I went for a run with the Hash club on the outskirts of UB I got chased by a barking mad dog. I ran so damn fast and completely lost my shit in the process while wailing for help to my other two friends. The lovely Annas (there are two) came to my rescue rock in hand to shoo the savage beast away. Phew!

Apart from that, its all good. The volunteer work is great and my colleagues are brilliant. Their English varies from very good to non-existent so I have plenty of incentive to learn Mongolian. Apparently my teacher says I am a good student and good at learning languages. I have discovered a new talent! She is also awesome and her business is called Friends School and they also run travel tours, one of which I will be going on soon.

The volunteers get so well looked after here by our Mongolian manager who takes care of us very well. She is an absolute legend. She helped all the volunteers find a place, showed us around, took us shopping and translates to dumb ass landlords. Yeah our landlord sucks ass big time. She hates us and I have no idea why but the feeling is mutual stupid bitch. Mind you, the only thing she has messed us around with is some shoddy workmanship in the kitchen and crap cable TV reception. Plus the TV is the size of a thimble. Ok ok I realise I am in a developing country but I am paying western prices for rent and everyone else has normal sized TVs. Yeah, I know, there are worse things. But you would go insane too if you have watched the Sex and the City 2 movie every night for the last two weeks because it’s the only thing in English! I think I know all the lines off the top of my head. As I write this, I am watching Carrie tell all her friends about how Big and her are taking two days off their marriage, bla bla bla. I actually love this movie now. I hated it before but now I appreciate it because it’s the only thing I understand. 

I am living in a really nice, centrally located apartment with another volunteer. In fact my apartment block is like the dream apartments that the other volunteers envy. I got pretty lucky with the price and location thanks to my in country manager's negotiation skills. There are so many volunteers from all over the place plus expats who are working here on contracts. With so many great people around, there is a nice little social circle happening. It’s a shame I am not in it though. Just kidding. Of course I am.

Ulaanbaatar isn’t what I would call a culture shock kinda place. Its very easy to live here and while some things don’t work, who gives a shit. I am in MONGOLIA – how fucking cool is that!!!! The country side on the other hand is far more hard core. The winter will be much harder here and I think that is when I will have to harden up. No point in worrying about that now though.

Oh and just because I like showing off - I am the one out of the August volunteer intake who hasn't got sick or hurt themselves yet, even after eating all the local food. I have guts of steel (insert Arnold Schwarzenegger accent).

I now officially call this place my home and I even have a routine:

·      Kick-boxing lessons two to three times a week (instead of the straight up boxing I used to do back in Australia so its even harder!)

·      Yoga one to two times a week instructed by one of the volunteers here. It’s free so we just donate a small amount to charity for each lesson.

·      Hash Hound Harriers – a weekly running/walking/dog walking club where they arrange a bus to take you out of the city and provide drinks and sandwiches after. Its great for under $5. Sometimes you get chased by dogs. I also go on crack of dawn running while we still can before winter hits.

·      Gym – I joined for a month and hated it so I have stopped going. I may start again in winter when I can't run outside no more.

·      Trivia – I am still rubbish at it in Mongolia.

·      Work Monday to Friday 9:00am til 6:00pm (After this year I am never working full time again)

·      Camping on weekends or horse riding. Last time I went horse riding I galloped and it was freaking cool. I was alone with a Mongolian guide who speaks very basic English and he took me to his friend's Ger and we drank fresh natural yogurt (never mind the flies that were everywhere - what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger). "Mmmm, Yogurt is tasty" we said between sips. I also learnt how to say it in Mongolian. He also did some very impressive tricks like standing up on the horse and picking wild flowers while galloping. He gave them to me! How sweet.

·      Private language lessons twice a week for only $9 an hour! Bargain!

·      Guitar playing when I can – I bought one here and I might get a Mongolian fiddle and learn to play that poorly as well ;)

Well that's enough of the dribble. I highly recommend you join me at some time in the next year if you can handle it.

Here are some things I have done so far... with some more dribble:

Playtime

This was a great first weekend activity. We stayed in a ger and watched many local bands cover famous artists from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs to Coldplay. I guess a small country like Mongolia isn’t going to get a lot of big bands touring so it’s the next best thing. They sounded almost identical to real thing - yeah!

James, Greg and Alicia got a spot on the line up and played some experimental stuff. They were really good. Greg, who doesn't usually play drums kept breaking his drum sticks and then throwing them into the crowd. He accidentally threw one a little too hard and hit some poor Mongolian guy in the face. Lucky it wasn't one of the bikie gang. As an aside, some guys have their own radio and TV shows here. Its such a small place, anyone can be famous here!

The stars of the festival were in the crowd. It was a massive group of scary looking guys on 20 odd motorbikes. They were even allowed into the festival with their motorbikes - strange. One guy was wearing an Arabian scarf and had a viscous looking dog with a muzzle. We all stayed well out of their way.

The bikes were allowed to join in on the fun

Cows at the festival too

Off to the side of the festival location is this lovely stream

We stayed here

Camping at Terelj

Anoher Francis arranged event. A drunk local decided to join us for a chat. He spotted the guitar and started playing. We prayed he would leave but he kept coming back with some new thing to say or do. Sam understood some of his Mongolian but we couldn't really work out what he wanted. He brought a pack of cards hoping we would play. Then he started showing us some “tricks” which were like not at all tricks but maybe in his mind they were. He eventually decided we were boring and threw his plastic lined playing cards in the camp fire and left. Fun times.

After camping, we weren’t satisfied. We went back to Ulaanbaatar for horse riding (where I soiled myself repeatedly) and watched a band at The Great Mongol pub.

Turtle Rock

Lovely decorations at the Monastery

Me and Chinggis

Bye cards

The morning after - they all look like shit

Horsies at Steppe Riders

Steppe Riders owners' son (not a girl)

Ah the good old string and the matchbox trick

Great band

Roller blading

I am also doing things I would never have bothered to do anywhere else like roller blading, which I totally suck at! It was a US Peace Corps (volunteers) function like a roller disco. It took be back to high school. Thanks to Mike who held my hand most of the time or I would have stacked it more than just the one time J Oh yeah, no pics of me looking like a massive dick on here. Maybe some prick got me on facebook but I haven't dared to check.

Camping at Bayangobi

The amazing Ju Lin (another volunteer from Australia) arranged this trip. We went to an old monastery that is pretty much a ruin now. The Soviets did their thing there and sadly many lives were lost as well as the monastery. We camped overnight near sand dunes and mountains all in the one place.

At the site of an old Monastery destroyed by the Soviets

Where we camped

Our camp

Where the hell do I go to the toilet with any privacy here!

My friends who can jump high

Dinner

Staring at the campfire

Stephan from Germany turns 21

This is how we roll

And we roll like this

Yep, I is riding a camel.

Emily destroying my football sand sculpture

Me riding a different kind of camel

The shrine of "Doug" aka dug. Its used for going to the toilet. The shrine has real camel pooh and its followers squat while worshipping.

The end - thank you for reading.