Dear Mongolia

This is kind of the season finale of the Mongolia chapter of the blog. There might be a few more entries here and there about other things so don't forget to subscribe (or unsubscribe).

As with most season finale's, the expectations are high (or am I reading too much into your positive feedback) but you will be somewhat disappointed. My brother's response to the draft was that it wasn't as good as the other episodes. I knew this before I even wrote it which is why its late but I guess I can't be amazingly hilarious all the time. Judge for yourself.

Be warned of grammatical errors and some offensive language and statements.

27 June 2011

Dear Mongolia

I have shed a lot of tears in the last few weeks. A lot of good friends have left me and well, I am going to leave you.

No, don't try to make me stay. Unless you offer me a high paying job without me having to make an effort then you can forget about it. Let's face it. You have made me a super lazy bitch.

Looking back, when my job with the government fell apart after a political decision out of my control, I thought it would be a strain on our relationship but when one door closes, another opens. The birthing of Mokdaddy and the Kids and UB-40 gave me new life. Then there were those morning language lessons that got me out of bed and helped me to better communicate with you. There was also that thing called work that I managed to get done in various coffee shops. I was so busy over the winter, I didn’t even get to read any of the goddam books I carted all the way from Canberra.

Mokdaddy and the kids included me, Karina and Risky. Ju-Lin on the right made it happen. We were an 80s acoustic super group.

A photo by James - he's tallanted. I played bass in the band and we mainly covered 50s rock music such as Elvis, Chuck Berry (Johnny B Goode) and Jerry Lee Lewis (Great Balls of Fire). It was awesome.

UB-40: From left to right, Karina, Carl, Risky and James - me at the front of course because I am the shortest. James Tallant is very good looking and was awarded bachelor of the year in 2010 by me. I even wrote a poem about it.

Me with a child at an orphanage - the things I do for Mongolia

Yeah, this is just something I thought I should add.

I was pretty lucky to be able to share my 30^th birthday with you and I couldn’t have asked for a better night. The theme was a touch of east at Sutra lounge with Indian food, all my friends and a few others I didn't know - ah that's the ex pat community for you. They even had a surprise Indian dance for me and wine on the house. People from home were real nice and sent me birthday presents, which reminded me of home but that wasn’t what made me want to leave.

My invitation was very snazzy and you can see on you tube - just follow the link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNWbFSAPesQ

This is what happens when you have spare time on your hands.

A touch of east was my theme. The result - no stereotypes of course

Some of the best times were spent at the toboggan regatta where Maggie broke her back and I was far too scared to even go down the mountain half way – apparently for good reason too.

What a wild ride. I am supposed to make a video of the regatta but I am not feeling it and the footage is inadequate. 

Maggie in her back brace

Oh and the ice festival! What a joy. I was a massive hormonal bitch on the first day because we didn’t arrive until it was dark. You know what’s it like. Trying to set up your bed in a ger with poor lighting and random bits of fatty mutton everywhere. It sucked then but shit its funny now how we would roast in a ger one minute and then freeze the next when the fire goes out. You lay there waiting in the hope that someone else will get up and crank the fire, or even perhaps the host family will come in and do it for us (I know, I know, they aren’t our servants).

I think things started to go wrong with us when I first left and saw there was more to life than just being with you. I was free to do what I wanted! Flirting and romancing with other countries was a guilty but awesome pleasure. First it was Beijing that won my heart then I turned to Shanghai and I wanted more. I even came back a month later for the Formula 1 with Francis and Anna. I almost died of happiness. I’m so sorry but its true. The Formula one was something special. I can’t even describe it but Fran and I were truly happy.

Mark Webber for Red Bull

Anna and Francis

Me and a little friend I met in the French Concession of Shanghai

Then Sharon came to visit me in Ulaanbaatar and she knows me well. She was like, I can see why you wanted to be here but I don’t think you can stay. You are becoming lazy, will never get a job and pretty soon you will start dropping out of society (sounds appealing actually). I tried to explain my soft spot for you but then when I told her about all the bad things, she was not convinced. The bad things I guess weren’t the worst things but they slowly started to piss me off. I mean at first I thought is was charming how fatty your food is and that you kept staring at me. But now, I kinda find it irritating that I can’t tell you to get fucked when you call me a whore because if I did you might try to beat the living shit out of me. Ok ok so I am overreacting. Turning the other cheek to words like whore or big boobs is ok. I mean the latter is true right so I guess I can’t be too peeved.

Well, as the for the former, I think its a little extreme. I just left you for moment for Christ's sake. So I went to Russia but it was right next door - it was so tempting. Can I just say, St Basil’s Cathedral is a real head fuck. Hmmm, fuck and cathedral in the same sentence is not very appropriate. I figure I am only writing to you and you aren’t particularly religious so I can get away with it. Ok so ballet in Mongolia is B-O-R-I… ok I will stop. That is really mean. I am sure ballet in many other countries is no where near the standard in St Petersburg. The marvellous Marinsky Theatre's Don Quixote converted me into a ballet enthusiast (after rubbishing ballet only moments before) that I even booked another ticket to see Swan Lake. Oh the philharmonic orchestra in St Petersburg nearly killed me. It really did. So did reading “Catcher in the Rye”. I almost lost the plot reading that book when I was in St Petersburg on my own for the last four days. I started talking like the character in the book (in my goddam head no less). I was acting a like I was depressed and mental all at the same time. I tend to do that. Mock people and characters to the point where I think I don’t know who I am anymore.

St Bazza - its like a theme park in the city

Armed forces marching for Victory Day in Moscow

Inside the Kremlin Sharon and I appear to be the main attraction 

We weren't allowed to talk on the ferry ride during the Russian commentary in St Petersburg.  People who know us well will understand it was quite the challenge

Swan Lake

Anyway, after Russia, I kinda lost it. I wanted to get away from you. I wanted to be anywhere but here.

However, the onset of summer changed my tune. Mongolia is spectacular (even if your roads are obstacle courses with puddles the size of small lakes when it rains).

My alley - sometimes there is human pooh here. Once my friend caught a lady taking a pooh here. It isn't especially private as there is a main road right where I am standing and an apartment block on the other side. What was she thinking? In the winter, the pooh freezes. In drop toilets we call them staligshites

My apartment building. We had a very big and nice apartment. Apart from all the broken kitchen cupboards and the second bathroom (a pure luxury) only pumping out hot water, it was very decent.

What my street looks like in summer. Rubble and electrical wires are everywhere in summer as most of the construction work is done over this season. This is actually not too bad, there are far worse areas but you know its kind of fun walking over rocks on the street and laughing at the silly girls wearing high heels.

On a horse and cart.

Terelj - its the countryside only an hour from the city

Manzushir monastery ruins. My last weekend was a real adventure. We didn't book a thing which turned out to be kind of a bad idea but we managed to get a ger in the end. Phew! We caught the micro bus (public transport) to the town for a mere $1.50 each instead of booking a driver. 

Sure I had friends who got punched in the face and that really sucked but thankfully you never hit me. I suppose its because I am Leb and my cousins would have come for you.

Ok so I bitched about you sooo much to everyone. I am really sorry because I actually really love you and all the friends I made so yeah I can be a total arse. I know that.

To be honest, I think of the food that rots in my fridge after two days and go meh who cares, I’ll just eat out with my friends everyday. I mean damn that was so much fun. I loved that life. Hell I am just going to walk five minutes down the road and hang with my buddies, eat decent enough food and play poker. That’s cool.

While your cooking isn’t terrible (I am being pretty nice here), I definitely wont miss it. Except maybe when I am living at home and mum cooks black eyed beans (not the stupid band - this is with beans. As an aside, did you know you can get the most horrible pop songs to play on your mobile phone so that when people call you, instead of hearing the ringing sound, they hear a song. I chose Dirty Bit just to irritate my friend James and then sent him a text asking him to call me. He did but hung up very quickly and didn't call me for some time after that. To take it further, Erin and Liz tormented him with a number of text messages writing "I-I-I-I had the time of my li-i-ife.) with the ends of sliverbeet. That’s when I might be thinking, oh mother Mary, give me a plate of buuz and mayonnaise salad.

Having refrained from over-shopping and not collecting too much junk, I have got the packing up pretty much under control. I have some traditional stuff like a deel and Mongol dress, I got another pair of spectacles for only $45! (I can’t even get lenses for that much in Australia! You know what else is amazing. They make the lenses on site and its finished in an hour. At the retarded spec savers in Canberra (and probably everywhere else for that matter (holy shit, brackets inside brackets!)) they take a whole goddam week and then they screw it up so it takes another week. At least in Mongolia, if they mess it up you only have to wait 10 minutes. I shit you not. They cocked up my lenses because I have one long sighted eye and one short sighted eye so its understandable and they only took 10 minutes to fix it. I kinda felt sorry for them and I should’ve paid for the lens they messed up but I didn’t), almost packed my bags and I am under the 30kg check in allowance I have been kindly given and a sneaky 18kg carry on (shhh!!!!!!). I am ready to go.

Thanks for our time at the open mic night which I lazily made my farewell and that lovely weekend at Manzushir.

So yeah, it sucks to leave you. I will come back to you some day because I can never forget you and you will always, always have a piece of my heart.

Mokdaddy

xxx



1 July 2011
Dear Mongolia

I am home. I almost got sued in Singapore airport for breaking a lady's hand while running with a trolley in the airport to make it to the gate on time. Truth is, I have no idea if I broke the lady's hand. If I did it was for nothing. The stupid screen said gate closing at 5:30pm but I knew in my head that boarding time was at 5:45pm so I had plenty of time. I checked my boarding pass and the screen a thousand times. Instead of trusting my memory I made a mad dash with my trolley of 18kg carry on, knocking a lady's hand on the way, apologising over my shoulder (but I didn't mean it - I mean shit get out of the freaking way meanderer!). My legs turned to jelly and I was started to wheeze as only moments before I had a massage which made me weary and weak but I pushed on - there was no way I could face the embarrassment of missing my flight. I made it to the gate and of course they weren't even boarding the damn flight. Stupid Singapore airport. Gate closing - what the hell is that supposed to mean???

Anyway, after a few breathing difficulties and nervously chipping away at my sunflower seeds I was safely home.

I am still not used to it you know. I dreamt about you that first night home and I keep getting into cars and not putting my seatbelt on. I still think twice about flushing toilet paper.

Shit ay.

Mokdaddy in Mongolia, over and out (for now).

Some cool stuff:

For Francis' birthday I made a cool video for him on behalf of my peeps:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AoEHAyhNeKE

Bachelor of the year poem (many in jokes but its still clever if I say so myself):

When I first met James Tallant

I fell in love with his gallant

And charming young friend Greg

Who left though we did beg

His loss we all lamented

Though my blindness was corrected

When I noticed a tall shy man

And instantly became a fan

Tallant lives up to his name

With UB state of mind fame

He even plays the Oboe

What is it? How the fuck should I know?

With his shoulders so broad

And his eyes becoming forlorn

When his mouth starts to pout

There is very little doubt

That if he was a few years older

My life would be a little less colder

With my own Mr Darcy by my side

But to my age rules I must abide

I hope my manner seems sincere

As I award you bachelor of the year.

2010

I'm back on the blogger baby and its bigger and more exciting than ever. Start uploading the 8 minute epic now:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9a4y-NW7X8

and then read this...

[I would have embedded the video but blogspot isn't talking to youtube at the moment.]

It was my 30th birthday on Wednesday and it was probably the finest way to spend a 30th. I went for a swim, had a coffee with Karina, lunched at a fancy pants restaurant, got a hug from my colleague Munguu and then had an outrageously fun dinner party at my new apartment with my awesome housemates along with my closest friends.

My mixed feelings about my last house mate has made me appreciate my new ones even more. As one of my friends said following the departure of my old housemate, "UB just got a little less crazy". Indeed, heheee.

My new housemates Francis and Ju Lin. We are wearing our Mongol Deels - only to be worn in the countryside unless you want to get funny looks from people in UB and possibly a punch in the face

Unfortunately my wish of not being a pizza face at the age of 30 has not come true and its really shit you know because I prayed to God and instead he gave me my 6th cold. The all seeing and all knowing knows very well that I haven't set foot in church for reasons other than a wedding or to listen to a choir. Perhaps my relationship with God might change this Easter. My friend Francis is going to start a modest choir and I will hopefully be able to sing the soprano parts. We are belting out latin tunes about Judas being a total prick to Jesus and that he should never have been born. Hmmm, that sounds pretty unchristian to me.

With more snow in recent weeks, UB is looking more like a winter wonderland among the concrete soviet buildings (which looks kinda hard core and indie alternative anyway - its funny how a failed regime can become trendy).

How to keep your feet warm particularly if you have bad circulation like me. However, its totally possible to just wear normal looking shoes. I get funny looks for wearing these but I think the Mongolians secretly love it (and me).

Unfortunately the winter makes a few Mongolians go a little crazy, racist and violent. My friend Karina was attacked on this very street seen below now referred to by Karina herself as "punch in the face street".

I was also with Karina when some young douche tried to pick pocket her. She caught him out and he was like "What?". I tell you what if my cousins were with me we would have taken him. The most irritating this is that he looked well off - I guess pick pocketing pays.

Winter also means fun on the ski slopes for a mere $30 including clothes hire! The bus on the way to the slopes is only 30 cents. The low cost means I can practice as much as I like. I am still rubbish at it because "no fear" is not a phrase I understand. Having said this, I am getting better despite my purple knees.

I thought the worst was over when I finished snowboarding. A little bruised and battered from the ski slopes, little did I know the stack of my life was yet to come. Walking out to the bus and over some ice my feet flew from under me, I was airbourne for about 2 seconds before landing with a massive thud on my side. It was pretty damn loud that people 5 metres in front turned around to see what the hell was going only to see me laying on my side saying "hello, just thought I'd take a rest". The coat padding helped to take the edge of the fall but the impact was so hard, I think my brain got a little shaken up. On bus ride home, I kept giggling at how funny the stack was cos it was really really funny. People thought I was going mental. During my delirious giggle fits and feeling sorry for myself, there was a sudden "oh fuck" from the Mongolian bus driver before the bus collided into a turning car. I stopped laughing after that, or least until we changed buses.

Another bus incident! Before Waz left, a few of went night skiing with him and we all piled into the bus which broke down so we had to wait 40 minutes for a replacement bus. We all piled on and off we went. After about 20 minutes the bus stops again. Unbeknownst to us, a car had blocked the bus from moving forward. The doors open and these young men in their 20s head towards a group of young teenage boys sitting right next to me and started laying into them. A little concerned after the fight had moved over the top of me, I decided to change seats. After 10 minutes the bus driver stopped the skirmish and ushered the men off the bus again.

And I thought snowboarding was dangerous.

Some cool things to look at:

Best cake ever courtesy of Ben and Karina for JL's birthday

Wrestlers

My volunteer intake

Well I hope I haven't lost my blogging mojo in my old age. Enjoy the video.